come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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