Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
