I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
