She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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