I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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