The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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