talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
