i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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