hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
