We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk is not a location!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
