the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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