Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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