Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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