Don't make out with my wife yet
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
