i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
