awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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