Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
