Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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