I feel like abortions should bother me more
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
