if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
