He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
