He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
