I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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