The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
