to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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