Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
