when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
