So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
