my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
