I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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