He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
