No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
