Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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