Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
