You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
