I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
