I just saw a hot homeless man
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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