She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
