I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
