dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
