ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
