i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
