Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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