Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
