Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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