That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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