Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
