So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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