Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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