you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
