White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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