boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
