Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
