Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
