White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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